James Bond Marathon: Die Another Day

I think Pierce Brosnan should have quit while he was ahead.

Bond is on a mission to eliminate Colonel Moon, a rogue North Korean general who is trading weapons for conflict diamonds. Unfortunately, Bond's cover is blown by an unknown traitor and he is imprisoned and tortured for fourteen months as the audience is tortured by an awful Madonna song. Anyway, after being exchanged for a North Korean war criminal named Zao, he is dishonourably discharged by M. Eager to redeem himself, he tries to conduct his own investigation from Havana to London to Iceland, leading to billionaire playboy Gustav Graves, played by Toby Stephens.

However, Graves is planning something nefarious with a satellite named Icarus and...hang on a minute, this all seems familiar. Meanwhile, Bond finds himself involved with two girls of the week: NSA agent Jinx, played by Halle Berry, along with Miranda Frost, an undercover MI6 agent played by Rosamund Pike.

I think I've established early on that I hate this movie. It's a shame, because it starts out really well (electro-pop aside) with an action-packed hovercraft chase and some good drama. Unfortunately, they had to go and spoil it. Jinx is supposed to be Bond's equal, and she does prove herself several times, but her dialogue is comprised entirely of double-entendre that's cheap even by James Bond standards. I guess they were saving up for the CGI budget. Once the action goes to Iceland, we get an invisible car, a mech suit, and a Bond car battle between Bond and Zao.

Christ, I really nitpicked this one. But these are some serious issues. I was willing to accept a Lotus that turns into a submarine, an Aston Martin with a rocket booster, and a BMW that's remote controlled. But an Aston Martin that can turn invisible to the human eye might be a step too far. Although I will give credit to the relics in Q's lab. After all, the film franchise was 40 years old at this point. Why not bring a few memories?

All in all, it had a promising start, but the film was let down by science fiction elements more suited to Metal Gear Solid than James Bond, and a story that was more or less a remake of Diamonds are Forever (which I also didn't like).

40 years on and this was one of the lowest points in the franchise. So much so that Pierce Brosnan had to wash his hands of the role with an even more embarrassing one.