James Bond Marathon: The Spy Who Loved Me

If there was Bingo game for the Bond films, this would get a full house.

A British nuclear submarine disappears under mysterious circumstances, so Bond is pulled out of a mission in Austria to investigate. After evading KGB assassins in an awesome ski chase, he is sent to Cairo to try and acquire blueprints for a submarine tracking system which has emerged on the black market. Soon, he is facing competition from the girl of the week, Barbara Bach as KGB agent Major Anya Amasova. Also searching for the plans is the metal-toothed giant known only as Jaws, played by Richard Kiel. Soon enough, the two agents find themselves working together after their respective agencies opt to pool their resources to investigate the real culprit: Kurd Jurgens as the shipping magnate Karl Stromberg, who wants to create a world beneath the sea.

They certainly did retain the goofiness of the previous film, but it's done better here, in my opinion. Stromberg is as stereotypical a Bond villain as you can get: He's a megalomaniac, he has boiler-suited minions, he has two villainous lairs, he gloats, he feeds people to sharks, the list goes on. I have no problem with that though. What I do have a problem with is Major Amasova. There is some interesting tension between the agents at first, but once they work together she becomes a useless damsel.

But the best part of the film is the Lotus that Bond drives, with the ability to turn into a submarine. Jaws is also a pretty threatening henchman, but does seem a bit too indestructable. He survives collapsing scaffolding, falling off a train and going off a cliff but only dusts himself off. To be honest though, I think were playing that for laughs.

Overall, I think this was a very silly film, but an enjoyably silly one. The director of You Only Live Twice might have something to do with that.

James Bond will return in For Your Eyes Only.

James Bond Marathon: The Man with the Golden Gun

I'll start right now by saying I don't like this film. It plays out like a comedy that's paying tribute to martial arts films. I'd sooner watch Kung Fu Hustle if that's the case.

Christopher Lee plays Francisco Scaramanga, the world's greatest assassin and the eponymous 'Man with the Golden Gun'. After a golden bullet is sent to MI6 with '007' written on it, M sends Bond on a sabbatical, pulling him out of a mission to find a missing expert on solar energy (The film had been made during an energy crisis). So, he tries to find Scaramanga on a trail that leads him from Beirut to Macau, to Hong Kong, to Bangkok, to a private island in the South China Sea. Soon, he learns that Scaramanga was hired to kill the expert on the orders of a wealthy energy magnate Hai Fat. But Scaramanga wants some kind of maguffin relating to solar energy so he can gain a monopoly on that market.

They certainly did turn up the comedic elements in this film, but I find that they overdid it. There's a kind of 'love triangle' between Bond and the two girls of the week: Britt Ekland as the inept MI6 agent Mary Goodnight, and Maud Adams as Scaramanga's mistress Andrea Anders. I don't think Britt Ekland does the best job as a Bond girl. She always seems to be making mistakes and I can't help but feel like she's a stereotypical 'blonde bombshell'.

There's a fight scene with a group of students at a dojo, followed by a boat chase, and a car chase with a jump across a broken bridge. It's a good stunt, but they had to ruin it with a comedic sound effect (a slide whistle).

However, the best aspect of the film has to be the late Christopher Lee. He's a great villain, both charming and sinister, and he carries the film any scene he's in. Accompanying him is his manservant, a French midget called Nick-Nack. Well, OK then.

Overall, I think I could give this one a miss. If you want a martial arts comedy, you might like it, but I think other films did that better.

Oh yeah, and Sheriff Pepper makes a comeback. I'd like to see what he adds to the story.

James Bond Marathon: Live and Let Die

Well, it's time to start a new era of Bond, with our favourite secret agent now being played by Roger Moore.

007 is now assigned a mission to investigate the deaths of three MI6 agents who were investigating Dr Kananga, the Prime Minister of the Caribbean island of San Monique, played by Yaphet Kotto. Bond's mission takes him between New York, San Monique and New Orleans, as he soon uncovers a connection between Kananga and Harlem crime boss "Mr Big" in the form of a large heroin-smuggling operation with strong links to the occult and Voodoo. This includes the legendary Voodoo figure Baron Samedi, and the clairvoyant girl of the week Solitaire, played by Jane Seymour.

The film seems to be paying tribute to the growth of the 'blaxploitation' films of the 1970s. For those who don't know, these were independent films with predominately African-American casts, often with funding from Civil Rights groups. But when Roger Moore is added to the picture, you could say the film has some unfortunate implications when presented to a modern audience. But I'm not going to talk about that.

It may seem odd the occult has a major part in a James Bond film, but they used it enough that I don't have an issue with it. What I do have an issue with is Solitaire. She is used by Kananga to anticipate Bond's every move, but loses her clairvoyance when Bond sleeps with her - after seducing her with a stacked Tarot deck - essentially coercing her into helping him. Once that's done, she more or less becomes your typical damsel. Also present is a bumbling redneck sheriff who tries to pursue Bond in Louisiana, serving little purpose except comic relief.

On the other hand, I do enjoy some of the villains they created. Baron Samedi has an almost mystical reputation on San Monique, with a suitably sinister laugh and deep voice that will make you want a 7-Up. Also facing Bond is 'Tee Hee', an enforcer with a mechanical arm.

Set pieces include an escape from the San Monique police in a double decker bus, a boat chase through the Louisiana bayous, crocodile jumping, and agents who are killed watching their own funeral with a very upbeat send-off. I also really enjoy Paul McCartney's theme song he wrote for it.

Overall, I like this one. It's probably not the best Bond film around, but I think Moore did a pretty good job with this one. I look forward to seeing him again.

James Bond Marathon: Diamonds Are Forever

I might consider this one to be one of the weaker films of the series. George Lazenby had bowed out following a recommendation from his agent - a decision he would later regret. With nobody else suited to the role of 007, Sean Connery made his return with a large degree of reluctance.

After the death of his wife, Bond has been scouring the world in search of Ernst Stavro Blofeld, played this time by Charles Gray. Eventually, he tracks down his nemesis and drowns him in a pool of hot mud. With that out of the way, he is back on active duty for a new mission to infiltrate a diamond smuggling ring. With the smugglers being killed off by assassins Mr Wint and Mr Kidd, Bond follows the trail of bodies from South Africa to Amsterdam, where he takes the place of smuggler Peter Franks to collect the diamonds from girl of the week Tiffany Case, played by Jill St. John. The pipeline continues to Las Vegas, where Bond narrowly escapes being cremated alive before he continues to investigate.

Unfortunately, the film then gets stupid. I'm going to spoil it now, and say that Blofeld is revealed to still be alive, and is stockpiling the diamonds to create an orbital laser which he'll use to destroy the nuclear arms of the world's superpowers and then sell it to the highest bidder. I think they should have stuck with the down-to-earth story to break up the formulaic world domination plots that have been going on since Goldfinger. Don't get me wrong, those schemes can be entertaining, but I just don't think this one delivers. I also can't stand Tiffany Case, as she gets too bumbling to the point of parody.

However, there's still a good fight scene between Bond and Franks in an elevator, a car chase through the Nevada desert that spills into Las Vegas, and a gripping climax on board an oil rig. I would also like to give credit to Bruce Glover and Putter Smith as the really sinister duo that is Mr Wint and Mr Kidd. Even in the film's campy atmosphere, their methods of killing send chills down spines and get adrenaline pumping. At the time of writing, I'm almost 22 and their attempt to kill Bond by cremation still causes me to shudder.

Well, I'll be back soon with a new film and a new 007. Over and out.

James Bond Marathon: On Her Majesty's Secret Service

Hang on a moment, that's not Bond.

Sean Connery had fallen out with the producers, so the role of James Bond was to be fulfilled by a new person: A rookie actor called George Lazenby.

This new, vaguely Australian Bond finds himself repeatedly saving the girl of the week: a depressed Countess, Teresa 'Tracy' di Vincenzo, played by Diana Rigg. After multiple encounters with her, Bond is soon brought before her father Marc-Ange Draco, the leader of the Corsican Mafia. Draco hopes that Bond can wed Tracy so she will have a reason to live, offering Bond information about SPECTRE, as Ernst Stavro Blofeld has disappeared. Eventually, Bond is required to pose as a genealogist after learning that Blofeld is seeking a noble title, gaining him access to an allergy research lab in the Swiss Alps where several young women are being treated. Being Bond, he blows his cover when he can't keep his weapon holstered, and learns that Blofeld is brainwashing the women to release a deadly virus that will destroy the world's agriculture, demanding amnesty for his past crimes and recognition of the noble title.

I have to say that the first part of the film isn't that great. The fight scenes aren't shot very well and difficult to see, and most of it is a montage of Bond courting Tracy. However, it does improve later on, with the humour of Bond trying to maintain his cover while...stretching his legs. But the best part is the second half, when Bond escapes from the facility. There's a ski chase followed by Bond being rescued by Tracy and eluding SPECTRE's goons through a stock car race. Overall, Tracy is actually a pretty good Bond girl. She saves Bond's skin, and when she gets captured she devises her own escape.

Not only did we have a new Bond, but a new Blofeld too. Telly Savalas is more charming compared to the unstable Donald Pleasance in the previous film. I preferred Pleasance myself, but I have no problem with Savalas. In fact, I think Savalas might be closer to the unseen Blofeld of the earlier films.

Overall, I think the film has a weak start, but truly delivers once the bullets start flying. And the final scene might be one of the most poignant in the franchise.

Oh yeah, and I really love that music they use.

James Bond Marathon: You Only Live Twice

Roald Dahl did the screenplay for this? Well, that is a surprise. Anyway, I'm trying to keep my nitpicking to a minimum for the duration of this marathon. But this film is making that really difficult.

But before I get to that, let me give you a summary. NASA's latest space mission is disrupted when a mysterious craft steals the capsule and the crew. Naturally, the Americans decide to blame the Russians, but a British diplomat suggests a Japanese involvement. Cut to Bond 'on the job' in Hong Kong when he gets killed before  the opening credits. After a public funeral, it's revealed that he faked his death to give himself some elbow room to investigate. Arriving in Japan, Bond works with the head of the Japanese secret service Tiger Tanaka, and girl of the week Aki, suspecting the involvement of the billionaire industrialist Mr Osato. However, it soon  transpires that Osato is involved with SPECTRE, which Bond figures out almost immediately. But considering their usual run of dastardly plots, I wouldn't be surprised either. Most notably, they finally give SPECTRE's Number 1 a face and a name; the criminal mastermind Ernst Stavro Blofeld, played by Donald Pleasence.

One thing I will say is that Aki may have been one of the most active Bond girls so far, saving Bond's skin several times. I enjoy the Japanese setting very much, and although I have doubts about some the ways it perceives Japanese culture (particularly regarding women). Especially when they decide that Bond must become Japanese. Yes, that is as cringe-inducing as it sounds.

Set pieces include Tanaka dispatching a car of goons by picking it up with a helicopter and dropping it in  the sea, a brawl with stevedores, a dogfight which makes use of Little Nellie, and a battle in SPECTRE's volcano lair involving ninjas. Despite the goofiness, Little Nellie was a nifty little toy, an autogyro equipped with an impressive arsenal.

I think that there are some parts of this one that are incredibly goofy and ridiculous, but I also think that it's actually done pretty well. Roald Dahl has managed to make this film so ridiculous it's awesome.

That's all I really have to say about it.

We'll meet again, Mr Bond, in On Her Majesty's Secret Service.

James Bond Marathon: Thunderball

Was SCUBA diving the biggest fad of 1965? Well, it doesn't matter if that's the case or not, because this Bond film's a pretty good one.

The cold open is great. Bond attends a funeral in Paris for a colonel in league with SPECTRE, but soon realises that the deceased is very much alive and posing as his widow. He trails him back to his château, kills him after a rough fight, and escapes his goons with a jetpack and his Aston Martin. James Bond with a jetpack. In 1965. That alone is worth a viewing.

Anyway, SPECTRE carries out a highly ambitious plot to steal two nuclear warheads from NATO, and hold them to ransom by threatening a major city in Britain or the USA. In response, MI6 mounts Operation Thunderball to recover them. Bond, who was on a rest period at a health clinic, is called in following an attempt on his life involving a spinal traction machine. After recognising a body at the clinic as a NATO commander, he travels to Nassau to find the man's sister Domino, the mistress of Emilio Largo, the SPECTRE agent behind the theft. Soon, the two are playing the deadly waltz of intrigue in the Bahamas.

I think about 40% of this film was shot underwater (let me know if I'm mistaken). The best set piece is the climax, featuring an underwater battle between SPECTRE divers and the US Navy aquaparas. Bond enters the fray this time with an underwater propulsion unit designed by Q. And taking place on the beach, there's plenty of fan service with both Connery and the girls of the week; Claudine Auger as Domino, and Luciana Paluzzi as the SPECTRE assassin and femme fatale Fiona Volpe. Adolfo Celi portrays Largo as a charming yet ruthless villain. He won't hesitate to execute those who fail him or attempt betrayal, preferably by feeding them to sharks. Not to mention he has a sweet boat, the Disco Volante.

Given the choice, I would rank this one quite highly. I especially like the opening song by Tom Jones. Rumours about his lung capacity aside, the lyrics being a summary of James Bond's character is a very nice touch.

Right, I'll see you next time. Over and out.

James Bond Marathon: Goldfinger

TV Tropes refers to this film as "The one pop culture parodies the most." Well, it certainly does have some of the most memorable moments, but is it the best Bond film of all time? Light your torches and grab your pitchforks, because I don't really think so.

After a cold opening involving "heroin-flavoured bananas" and a shocking death, Bond is relaxing in Miami Beach when his old friend Felix Leiter assigns him a mission to observe Auric Goldfinger, played by Gert Frobe, who has been winning at gin rummy too much. Bond disrupts Goldfinger's scam, resulting in his assistant Jill Masterson being killed by being painted gold, even though the film's explanation would result in anybody who puts on a wetsuit suffocating. But I digress. Anyway, Bond is sent to determine whether or not Goldfinger is illegally transporting his gold across the continents, but soon learns of a scheme known as Operation Grand Slam - a plot by the Chinese government to irradiate the gold in Fort Knox, causing economic collapse in the West while boosting the value of Goldfinger's own bullion reserves.

Despite the comments at the beginning, I don't actually hate this movie. There are some really enjoyable things, like the gadget-equipped Aston Martin DB5 that Bond uses, Goldfinger's Korean manservant Oddjob and his steel-rimmed top hat, Honor Blackman as aloof girl of the week Pussy Galore, not to mention the scene with the laser that everybody knows. However, I find the film's biggest issue to be a glaring one: Bond is a bystander. He gets captured in the first act, then he doesn't really do much after talking his way out of getting sawn in half. Leiter and the cavalry defeat the villains in the climax, although Bond does kill Oddjob, and they're the ones who disable the bomb. I actually find myself more interested in following Goldfinger's plan. He seems to have more pragmatism than other villains, like when the plan goes wrong, he reveals a colonel's uniform under his coat and kills his Chinese contact to avoid detection.

I suppose the other issue is that after Goldfinger, the films did tend to get a bit formulaic. But I'll cross that bridge when I come to it.

I'll be back tomorrow when James Bond returns in Thunderball.


Hang on a minute. Did Bond just force himself on Pussy Galore? Christ, no wonder I was rooting for the bad guy.

James Bond Marathon: From Russia with Love

I like to compare this one to films like Aliens, or The Empire Strikes Back, in which the sequel is far superior to the first film.

Bond's new mission is to make contact with the girl of the week Tatiana Romanova, played by Daniella Bianchi. Romanova is a cipher clerk at the Russian consulate in Istanbul, who claims to have fallen in love with Bond's file photo, and is offering to defect with a highly sought after decoding machine used by the Russians. However, both are unaware that the defection is a scheme by the terrorist organisation SPECTRE, who seek revenge for the death of Dr No. SPECTRE's 'Number One' assigns the mission to Colonel Rosa Klebb, a former Soviet Intelligence officer played by Lotte Lenya, who manipulates Tatiana into thinking it is a mission to provide false intelligence to the British. Also recruited is the SPECTRE assassin Donald 'Red' Grant, played by Robert Shaw, whose mission is to monitor Bond until he acquires the decoder, then kill him and steal it so SPECTRE can sell it back to the Russians, thereby profiting from the revenge.

From Russia with Love sees the introduction of Desmond Llewellyn as Q, the MI6 inventor. Granted, Q had appeared in the previous film, played by Peter Burton, but was referred to as Major Boothroyd (named after a gunsmith who recommended the Walther PPK to Fleming), and all he ever issued was Bond's standard issue sidearm. This time around, he issues bond with an attaché case with a collapsible sniper rifle, a throwing knife. and a booby trap which detonates a tear gas cannister if opened incorrectly. Other gadgets include a watch with a concealed garrotte favoured by Grant, and a shoe with a poisoned toe-spike used by Klebb and a SPECTRE trainer (played by Walter Gottell, who would have a recurring role in the Moore films, but I'll get to that).

Set pieces include a brawl at Roma camp, a scuffle in a train car, and a boat chase. The action is kept down at first in favour of the espionage, but I have no problem with that. In fact, I think it works to the film's advantage.

The film's higher production value and more down-to-earth story and setting make this one of the best films of the Connery era, and one of my favourite films in the franchise.

I'll see you again soon for the next film.

James Bond Marathon: Dr No

I have no idea why the powers that be opted to adapt the sixth book in the series as the first Bond film. It wasn't even the most recent book in 1962. Well, maybe it was because Ian Fleming lived in Jamaica when he was writing.

Anyway, the first Bond film in the main series, starring Sean Connery as the titular secret agent. Bond is sent on a mission to Jamaica to investigate the disappearance of the local MI6 Station Chief. Aided by Felix Leiter of the CIA and a local fisherman named Quarrel, his investigation takes him to the island of Crab Key, owned by the reclusive Bauxite magnate and scientist known only as 'Dr No', played by Joseph Wiseman. After enduring numerous assassination attempts, such as a poisonous spider being placed in his hotel room, and an attack by a dragon, Bond is soon captured along with the shell diver Honey Ryder, played by Ursula Andress. Brought before the mad doctor, he learns of his plot to disrupt the Mercury space flights by 'toppling' the craft's guidance system with an atomic-powered radio beam.

I've heard that this film's budget was only $1 million, and it does show; some of the effects look really cheap, even by 1962's standards. However, my biggest issue lies with the character of Honey Ryder. Yes, she looks pretty in her white bikini and she has a great (dubbed) singing voice. But she is an utter load who hinders more than helps. I mean, she blows Bond's cover by sailing to Crab Key, which means they get detected by a radar. Yes, she shows them to a hiding place, but she does nothing else. Other than that, the film is an enjoyable experience.

Dr No is actually one of the few James Bond novels that I have actually read, and the film certainly deviates from the book in many ways. But I'm not going to go into that; it's an adaptation, so you have to make changes for one reason or another.

Despite the cheapness, I'd say that the film-makers did a great job. Bond is suave and daring, and you want to see him win against the odds. Dr No is suitably sinister with his mechanical arms, and the first of many evil lairs is a great one, with his mythical dragon keeping visitors from snooping around.

Not much else to say. I'll see you next time for the next film.

The James Bond Marathon

"My name is Bond. James Bond."

That line has been drifting through popular culture for more than 50 years. And if you include the books, more than 60.

Ian Fleming's symbol of British exceptionalism has been the one of the longest-running film franchises, and one of the greatest movie heroes of all time. And I'd like to honour this by looking at his cinematic progression over six actors and 22 (soon to be 23) films.

Starting tomorrow, I am going to be watching my way through the series, and posting my views here.

With guns, girls, gadgets, flash cars, perilous situations, good guys, bad guys, and whatever other buzz words I can put here, it will be a James Bond Marathon that is sure to leave you shaken, but not stirred.